Today I had a not so good parenting feeling. I felt the judgment seeping out at me and it was mostly from myself.
"I hold her too much," I thought.
"She doesn't even have a coat on...." I worried.
"Ugh, did I miss the jelly on her cheek again?" I noticed.
And then I quietly tried to fix my worries with the age old, "You have to pick your battles."
But then I worried more, "Which battles, exactly, do I pick?" And that question haunted me all day long. Which battles do I pick?
We got home tonight -don't even get me started on the state of the union of this place, because then the judgment will be seeping out of you- and sat down for awhile to play. Reese went over to her crib and pointed for me to get out her blankie. She laid her head on it and put her thumb in her mouth, showing love for her beloved blankie. And a thought popped in my head, "Wow, my kid knows and shows love." *Battle #1.
We played for awhile and I watched her swing her wooden spoon like a sword and then she crawled into my lap and I read her a book. She laughed and giggled when the pig page came up and made me read it to her again 5 more times. "Boy this kid loves reading and gets so excited about it," I decided. *Battle #2.
Finally it was time for bed. I wrapped her in her blankie, said prayers with her and laid her in her bed. I walked out shut the door and never heard another sound. I thought about 30 minutes later, "that sure was easy, she never made a peep." *Battle #3.
I guess looking back on today, balancing pros and cons, I can fairly assess that, my kid sometimes doesn't wear a coat, she sometimes likes being held to the point of inconvenience, and most likely she has something gross on her face. BUT she shows me and others love, she enjoys books and gets excited about them, and she falls (and stays) asleep like a pro. I guess maybe I do pick my battles and maybe I pick the right ones sometimes and sometimes not. I'll take that and I'll keep trying tomorrow to pick my battles, and to maybe pass a little less judgment on myself.