Monday, December 28, 2009

One day...

One day I will have my carpet professionally cleaned.
One day I will have someone clean my house.
One day I will miss the sleepless nights.
One day drinking will be fun again.
One day Santa Claus will bring joy to my kids' faces and I can't wait.
One day I will get a safety deposit box for all my papers.
One day I will get ahead of the credit cards.
One day I will like my job again...
One day I will look back fondly on the days I could wear the CFM boots and not have sore feet.
One day I will miss the pacifiers, bottles, and diapers.
One day I will be a small town girl again.
One day I will be the crying mother on the first day of kindergarten.
One day I will give up Diet Pepsi.
One day I will exercise and lose weight.
One day Reese will be my friend, but not before she hates me with a passion.
One day Mother Goose will be replaced by Junie B. Jones, who will be replaced by Harry Potter, who will be replaced by another character until a love of reading is solidified.
One day my hair will be it's natural color.
One day I will appreciate all the little things.
One day I will appreciate all the big things too.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The First of Many

Last night was my first big scare on the journey of Mommyhood. It all started when Reese started fussing pretty bad at a party we were at. We were with Marsha and Eric so we decided to take the girl's home while the boys stayed and played cards. Reese screamed the whole way home so Marsha drove my car while I sat in the back trying to console her. It was snowing and very cold as well so we were all a little tense anyway with the roads being the way they were.

We finally got home, and since it was so cold, Marsha thought we should pull the car into the garage so we didn't have to get Reese out on the ice and stuff. The dogs were in the garage so I jumped out and let them pee while she pulled in and got out of the car. We went around to get Reese when we realized it was locked...LOCKED! Keys in it, spare in it, BABY IN IT!!!

We looked at each other and panicked. We had no idea what to do. So, we got on the phone and called the guys. We tried and tried and couldn't get them. We sent Maggie to the bedroom to change clothes and to stay calm, but that sure did not happen. We could hear her wailing from the kitchen and that's when I lost it. But that's also when Dustin called. This sounds like it would make a person feel better, but accidents are much different when it involves a baby. Everyone kind of loses it when it comes to that.

That's when we get the idea to call OnStar. We don't have the service but we are compatible and this IS an emergency so we thought surely they can do something. We would've paid anything at that point. But incidentally OnStar does not give a shit about babies being stuck in the freezing cold. (more on OnStar later) Reese is screaming her head off and we are all a mess and have no idea what to do.

About the time I wore a hole in my shoe from pacing, Dustin and Eric walk in. They start running after tools and hangers. They're screaming for us to call people to see which window would be cheapest to break. Dustin is now ready to rip the door right off the car and Maggie is scared that we are surely going to jail for breaking windows.

The guys got the door open and were pushing the button but of course the car went into theif mode and wouldn't open. Meanwhile Papa Steve is on the phone with OnStar. (He is a paying customer) They decided to stick to their guns and refuse to help us. He is a pretty level-headed guy but he called them every name in the book. I'm not even sure he will be allowed OnStar service anymore after the words he yelled at that woman. But, just as we are ready to bust out the window the guys got the door unlatched (manually, not with the button).

Dustin ran in to let us know and like Marsha said, I can run pretty fast for being a cheerleader. I yanked that door open and looked at my poor abandoned baby with so much joy it hurt. And you know that little stinker looked up at me like, "jeez Mom, what's all this commotion about?" It did my heart good to see she was clearly fine and a little befuddled by what was the problem.

We can all look back and laugh a little at this now. But we were all pretty scared there for a minute. It took Maggie a good long time to stop crying and she was the first to give Baby Reese a kiss. This was definitely one for the baby book and definitely a scare that I don't care to relive. Nothing like a panic-filled moment to make you appreciative of what you have.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Silent Night

Each night with Reese gets a little easier. I know we have to remember she is a preemie so we are already ahead of the game. We have a schedule started and it's working well. Slowly but surely she is going to fall in to place and the night time will get easier and easier.

Part of me is so glad about that; I can't wait to get a semi-good night's sleep. But part of me is sad about that as well. 1 a.m. is a sweet time for us. The house is silent and she and I just snuggle on the couch with a bottle. Her face glows in the nightlight and she looks like a beautiful angel. She looks at me like I am the most wonderful part of this world but I know it's just the opposite. It is our time of bonding and by far the most lovely part of our day.

So this year for Christmas, I am asking for just a few more of our silent nights. A few more opportunities to hang on to our special bonding moments before I hear myself saying, "oh they grow up so fast." A few more nights of the cute little "o" her lips make when she's still sucking down the bottle even though it's not there. Or the way they pucker up for what I believe is a kiss. I few more times of watching her heavy eyes droop closed or her sigh of sleep. My silent night is all about the calm of mother and child this year.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Celebration Barbie

After looking through Hallmark after Hallmark, I finally found the ornament I'd been looking for all season long; Celebration Barbie. Why did I need a Celebration Barbie ornament you ask? Because of the tradition it inspires within me. As a kid, each year my grandma bought my sister and I a Precious Moment ornament. Now that we are grown we each have 25+ ornaments for our tree and they are just lovely. Not many people may know that they have a small hole in the bottom in which we insert a white Christmas light and they glow beautifully. We have enough to decorate most of a tree with them and I love each one. Every year we open the box and look at all of them and say, "I know this one is mine because..." or we remember the occassions that happened the year we got a certain ornament. Only one belongs to my mom, and she treasures it because she gets to keep part of the tradition for herself.

I have adored Hallmark products since I worked at a Hallmark store in college. I loved going to work there so much and when Christmas rolled around I fell in love with the magic of their ornaments. The year I worked there was a Barbie anniversary. She came out with a shoe tree, several collector edition ornaments, and Barbie home decor. I just couldn't resist. I now own that shoe tree, a Barbie doll ornament, and a Barbie Bunco game that has never been played. I still can't believe the money I poured into those Hallmark ornaments that year but I have been hooked ever since and I knew from then on that one day I would be buying a Barbie ornament one day for my daughter.

When I began my own small little family, I was determined that we would have a tradition of Hallmark ornaments all our own. Last year I bought a beautiful snowflake that reads "Our first Christmas Together" to start our collection. This year I instantly fell in love with the Baby Booties from the commercial. It's formal name is "B is for Baby (and Booties)!" I mean, how cute is that?! But by the time I had Reese and was able to make it to a Hallmark Store they were sold out. (I guess everyone loved the commercial as much as me) Along with the Celebration Barbie I had dreamed about for so many years. I was crushed, because once an ornament is sold out, it's gone and no one is getting their hands on one unless they're willing to pay the big bucks on ebay.

But, this weekend, I found them! Both of them! One tiny little store had them and I was thrilled. I almost hugged the lady working when I saw them. I snatched them off the shelf and probably would've fought someone if they'd tried to take it away but luckily, I didn't have to. I went home that night with a grin from ear to ear, those sought-after ornaments were mine at last.

So as I open the box to put it on my Christmas garland (our house is overflowing this year so we don't have room for a tree) I can't help but feel a little nostalgic. Each year my daughter will open her Barbie ornament and hang it on a tree branch. Each year she will look at them and remember some small story about one of the dolls and even if it's for a tiny minute she will have a warm fuzzy about her collection. And when she is my age, she will hunt down a special ornament for her child and think about how much she loves her Barbies and the stories that go with it. She will have tears in her eyes when she puts them on her tree and when she wraps the gift for her child. It will make her happy to know that someone cared enough about her to do something so special and she will want to pay that forward to someone she loves as much. And that is part of the magic of Christmas.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

This too shall pass

Today I logged on to facebook and saw that Halee had commented on a photo of Reese. It was one from her first day of life, she was somewhat jaundiced and had an IV in her head. It is a sad looking picture because here is this tiny precious thing all banged up looking. Halee's comment was that she loved that picture or something similar. At first I thought she was crazy, why would anyone want to be reminded of that terrible IV? But the more I looked at it, the more beautiful the picture became. Reese came into this world in a little bit of a blaze of glory, in my opinion. I'm sure everyone who has been though childbirth would agree with how I felt, but it was just such a whirlwind of emotions that night and the day after. I think my first instinct was to forget about it or put it out of my mind. But taking a good look back at the picture reminded me that even the hardest things get better. That part of Reese's life was so scary to me but the saying, 'this too shall pass' came true. It was hard, scary hard, but it passed. And regardless of how bad it was it was still a part of her beautiful beginning and I don't want to forget a minute of this little girl's journey, that's for sure. And like I told Halee, it kind of makes me think that just because a person is banged up doesn't mean she can't still be beautiful!