Weekend at the Lake

My cousin turned 50 this week so our family got together to, as we do, party. Well, I can promise you, our family is a lot more fun when I'm drunk! It started out harmless enough, Labor Day weekend at the Lake of the Ozarks with a few of my favorite people and some good outlet shopping. Those needs could've been met in one day but we were scheduled for 3 and I had to toughen up or be forever remembered the grouchy pregnant lady. (If you don't believe me, ask my God Mother, Marcia. She was pregnant 30 years ago and my mom still comments on how bitchy she was....)

Friday night was a blast, it was just a small group and we hung out at a small bar. We danced and sang old country songs. Marla smoked her pipe and we told stories. Saturday morning we got up early and hit the outlets, I found tons of baby clothes and Dustin got some deals on clothes that were much needed. We got back to our hotel and the large group started to arrive. Lesson #1: A small, intimate group is always best.

I let everyone shower ahead of me to show my generous nature, and do you know what that got me? Left is what it got me. I got out of the shower and everyone but Lulu was gone! My own husband didn't even come say "see ya in a bit." I knew right then that the feeling of being left behind because I was sober wasn't going to let up. After getting ready I headed down to the pool to meet up with everyone who left me and immediately the pregnant molesting began. Lesson #2: People love a fat belly, pregnant or not, people just love to rub all over a big, round stomach.

We sat at the pool and enjoyed the weather and good company, everyone took shots and I was beginning to think that this was going to be a breeze, I mean, I love these people, so what if they drink a few beers, it's not like anyone was being belligerent. That's when the auctioneering started, not only do people love a pregnant belly but they love talking to it too or auctioneering in the case of some. If my child comes out screaming, "5, 10 now 15, 15, who will give me 15" I may cry! But it was all in good fun and I know little Baby Neal loved the attention.

We spent the rest of the weekend at Dog Days, a bar right on the water. I drove the herd a lot and surprisingly Dustin was very patient with my driving; we were a good team getting out of tough parking spots. Marcie completed her scavenger hunt and we took tons of party pictures. There was a lot of laughing, singing, and dancing and everyone had a great time. Surprisingly, enough I learned Lesson #3: It is possible to have sober fun.

All in all it was a great weekend. We had some hilarious moments and even funnier comments. I hung with the crowd and even outlasted a few. My nickname for the weekend was "Trooper" because I really was. I have a great family, how many others can get 25 people together and actually enjoy each other's company? Not many, and that makes me feel pretty lucky to bring a little girl into this world, she's already got quite a fan club. I'll just start praying now that she doesn't start smoking a pipe, telling dirty jokes, or negotiating in her auctioneer voice on the playground! And if she does, it will just add to the charm of this family I am lucky enough to call my friends.

Here are a few hilarious moments from the weekend, being sober does have it's advantages, I wrote down some of the finer moments....

• Marcie before getting up to hear her birthday poem says; "I'm not going to cry!" And then immediately cries before the introduction is over!!


• Marla: "Okay, I'm going to give my disclaimer...I'm going down early tonight, I'm wasted."


• Dale Blue, the singer, "Wow did you bring a rod to go with those curtains you call a shirt?"


• Dale Blue: "Is that your boyfriend?" (pointing to a 40 year old Shaun) Diane: "No, he's back there in the orange shirt." Dale Blue: "That old dude? I thought that was your dad!" (Marla and I proceeded to deem that "a classic")


• Dale Blue to Marla (paraphrasing): Is that old guy your dad? Marla: Yep, that's my Pa. Dale: And he dates her? Marla: Yep, that's my sis. Dale: Your family is f!@#-ed up! (Family joke, Diane is NOT Marla's sister, but they were mistaken as that once and it never died)


• Shaun: "Nobody has H1N1 do they?" Walt: "No but I put it in one last night!"


• Dustin (to Bill): "So, she'd give you her viriginity if she still had it?" Bill: "Yeah, we talked about that but she said I was too late, I did ask if I could check though. I told her that if you don't have enough for everone then you shouldn't give it out."


• Lindsay: "Hey!" Bill: "That's the first stage of bullshit." (good point)

Lesson #4: Being a good sport is sometimes hard work, but those bitches will eventually drive your drunk ass around someday; or at least babysit for you because if you can't count on family, who can you count on?